Things come together and gel...making a wonderfully satisfying cohesive whole...way too infrequently. Is it over medication of the masses, the regression of society and culture, apathy? The list continues for days, but will be around for a very long time.
I see too many distractions. Too many choices and opportunities to wander off and lose yourself in something other than what is being avoided. Only a matter of time until I realize what I need to do and finally take the steps to reach that goal...or so I hope.
Too much to sort through and unable to focus, I have not thought clearly about anything for quite some time. A friend's loss beat me across the head and reminded me that I can not lose sight of things that matter to me, but my vision faded within the hour. Still lost...still wandering...hopefully it will make sense some time soon.
Have you ever gone wandering with no purpose, telling yourself that the journey will teach you something? That you will learn about things, about people, and hopefully about life?
So she's pregnant now..
There was always a hope that somehow.. in some little way she still loved me. That this whole... wow.. 8 years were something of a break, and we would pick it all back up and things would be alright again.
There were things besides my horribly sad hopes that drove me to believe this. Calls for help, calls just to "talk". Even when she got married I still held the sad hope when she would ask to see me that it wouldn't work out and eventually she'd come to her senses.
Now she is .. with child. And ever so apparently happy with her other half that isn't me.
That dream just flatlined.
I am a pitiful little man. And a horribly vain person to think I would be the beat all end all at the finishline.
The really sick part is I'm still in love with her. To the point where I AM actually happy that she's happy. Even if it's not with me. I'll still be there for her if she needs me. I'll still sacrifice and hurt myself just to keep it from happening to her.
I'd like to think it's the mature and right thing to do, being happy and still being a friend. But inside, it may still just be that one line of hope, that sick twisted little self deception that says if I keep it up and stay in her life, even as just some gullible shmuck .. she'll change her mind.
Finally made it back to North Carolina. Not my first choice, but better than where the winds have taken me for the previous month. Not sure when I will be allowed to make it home, but that is just as it goes out here.
Every night they are there watching, waiting, and plotting. I have seen them just out of the corner of my eye as their meetings are disrupted by my untimely approach. They are gathering more recruits every day, young and old alike are joining in increasing numbers. Soon the gecko army will march...or something.
They have been appearing more at night in the cracks and crevices, protecting the housing area from the surging insect assault. I sleep a bit better knowing they are there.
The end is in sight for the current group of tasks we have been assigned. Still hinges on them being happy...which they never are...
Hopefully I will be able to sleep better due to a reduction in stress. This one was ugly for a while...
Glad to see the end of the tunnel...just need to get through to the light.
How do you react when you're stressed?
Submitted by Deep ThinkerUnfortunately, I do not handle stress well as of late. At one time I could channel it into more productive time and efficiency, but that time is past.
Currently, I lock up and get flustered. Breaking down little at a time until falling back onto emotions to keep me going. Sadly, it is usually anger and spite fueling me to go on instead of pride, joy, and happiness. Happy does not work into the equation much out here.
What were you afraid of when you were younger that seems silly to you now?
Submitted by wandie
I was afraid to close my eyes in the shower. It was messed up because I would wash my hair as fast as I could so that I wouldn't have to keep my eyes closed. I though I would open my eyes and see someone's shadow outside the shower curtain. Glad I grew out of this one.
Do you have any crazy superstitions?
Not so much crazy as a bit strange. I do not know the history behind this one, but my grandmother said to not cut my nails at night. Something about it shortening the life of loved ones. Haven't been able to cut my nails after sundown since.
70 great business cards...hope to one day have a card that screams like these do.
http://www.fubiz.net/blog/index.php?2008/06/04/1692-70-amazing-business-cards
